43 and Four Weeks

Minding My Own Business

Setting goals for my business has always been difficult for me.  Somehow goals seem abstract and untouchable.  I find it difficult to picture the path that would get me to where I want to be and so I just choose general areas in which I want to improve but without taking the time to break down the steps needed to get there.

In the beginning my goals were simply about my standards.  Be the best.  Care for my client’s animals as I care for my own.  Keep growing.  Keep learning.

By working towards the first two, the third came organically and the fourth was inevitable.  Those standards have never changed and I am now the only 5-star business of its kind in my area.

It’s amazing to me but this month marks my fifth anniversary.  At the beginning of this year I wrote a short, simple list of areas I wanted to work on during the year.  On a regular sheet of paper I wrote:

FOCUS

1. Taxes
2. Hiring
3. Website
4. Social Media
5. Education

The taxes, well….still challenging.  I have a hard time letting go but I’m going to have to break down and hire someone before it gets me into trouble!

I made progress this year on hiring though it didn’t look like I thought it would.  What I initially planned to do was hire field staff but instead I hired an Office Manager.  It was a brilliant decision.  The fact is that hiring staff comes with a LOT of paperwork and I can’t manage the paperwork AND the training and management at the same time so hiring an Office Manager who can handle the extra office stuff frees me up to properly train and manage more new staff.  At this time we are actively taking applications for field staff and I’m excited at the response.

My website was where I spent most of my energy this year and where I feel I made the most progress.  I completely revamped it over the summer and am pleased with the result.

I am not a fan of social media.  I have literally four friends on Facebook, don’t understand Instagram anymore and can’t keep up with Twitter.  But, although I didn’t plan it, I ended up letting my new Office Manager take over the social media stuff and she’s been brilliant so now I’m happy to just relinquish it completely.  I have no trouble admitting that she’s much better at it than I am!

The education aspect of my list was meant to be about attending industry conferences and such but I didn’t make it to any of them.  But, for the next year, I have already registered for a conference in February so I guess progress is being made there, too.

But, what about this next year?

Obviously, taxes are the area where I failed the most this year – ironic since it was first on the list – so that will go at the top of the list again.  Number two is going to be Staff Management.  I need to create an employee handbook, standardize my hiring procedures and set up employee education programs.  Next on the list will be a business blog.  I’ve managed to make it this far without one but I’m not oblivious to have beneficial they are.

So far, those three are all I have but, when I think about it, there’s a lot to be done there.  One thing is for sure, I’m looking forward to this next year and know that it will be the best year for my business!

43 and Three Weeks

The Stress of Mental Health

Mental health.  It’s a loaded phrase that conjures thoughts of shame and acts of silence.  The stigma of mental illness can cause stress such that those who are mentally ill don’t seek out the help they might need to achieve mental health.

But what does mental health look like?  Feel like?  How does one know if one is mentally healthy?

Mental illness runs in my family.  At least on one side.  My grandmother heard voices when she was in her late 40s and was committed for a short period of time.  She said that she could hear the neighbors talking about her through the electrical outlets.  The houses were not connected.  When my mom asked the doctor what was wrong, his response was simply, “She’s had a hard life.”  That was certainly true but it didn’t explain why her hard life caused paranoia and auditory hallucinations but someone else’s hard life might not.  My mother, too, has battled depression and has even, at times, tried to commit suicide.  She, too, has had a hard life.

And then there’s me.  I freely admit that I have battled depression at different times in my life and to varying degrees, even at times thinking that maybe I didn’t want to go on with my life.  I have also been diagnosed as inattentive-type ADHD and low dopamine levels; for both I now take a single medication.

In my mid 20s I hit a rough patch and I knew I needed help.  I remember saying to my doctor that I didn’t want to go on something with plans to take it forever.  But what I needed was to be able to get out of bed.  To take a shower and put my clothes on.  To feed myself.  To go to work each day and be able to pay my bills.  I needed something to help me function through the simple things so that I could deal with the complicated.  She agreed and gave me a prescription for Celexa that I took for eight months.  It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.

In fact, I believe that asking for help is the one thing that keeps me from tipping over the edge.  It’s not easy for me to do that.  I don’t think it’s easy for anyone to do that.  But it’s necessary.  What I learned from watching my great-grandmother, my grandmother and my mother is that to suffer alone, in silence, is what is most damaging.  So in those times when I’ve been depressed, or felt as if something was just generally not right, I’ve sought the help of therapists and even taken medications when needed.

But what else can I do?  It has occurred to me recently that when people talk about self-love and taking care of one’s self that it is not all about belly-button gazing and woo woo shit.  It’s about tapping into what makes me me.  Knowing who I am and learning  to listen to my body and my mind will help me focus on what is most important and keep the day to day of life in perspective.  This blog is part of that.  In this next year I also plan to add meditation as well as intentional downtime.  This may mean scheduling some solo time at the infrared spa, an early morning walk with my dog, an afternoon nap, or having a cup of coffee at Starbucks while doing absolutely nothing else.  No work, no phone, no reading, no talking, nothing but the single task of drinking coffee.

For me, mental health feels like looking forward to tomorrow and making plans for my life.  But when the ability to do that goes away, staying mentally healthy means getting the help I need to go on.  And sometimes that’s just to be able to get out of bed the next morning.

By the way, decades after my grandmother’s commitment, when she was ill from cancer, she told my mom that she never stopped hearing voices, she just stopped telling people about them because she knew what would happen if she did.  I wonder how just asking for help might have changed her life.

 

43 and Two Weeks

Radical Acceptance of Chronic Pain

About 9 or 10 years ago I came across a meditation podcast by Tara Brach.  I would listen to her while in my car driving to and from work each day.  I had a lot of time to listen as I lived in Southern California and spent about two hours on the road each day.  While listening to her, I heard her speak often of what she called radical acceptance.  At first, I was skeptical of this concept.  I didn’t understand why I needed to accept things that hurt me or people who were harmful to me.  It turns out that what I really didn’t understand was what she meant when she talked about practicing radical acceptance.

In her book by the same name, she makes it clear that radical acceptance is the practice of accepting what has happened, and of accepting people as they are.  But it does NOT mean that one has to continue to accept an environment, or a person, who is harmful.  For instance, someone can accept that a partner or spouse cheated on them without continuing to be in a relationship with that person or, if the relationship does continue, without allowing the cheating to continue.

I remember first experiencing true pain when I had my first migraine at age 8.  I’m sure that I had skinned my knee or cut myself before then but it is that migraine that I remember more than any pain before it.  It was so severe that I blacked out and then vomited my breakfast.  At the time, and for years after, I didn’t even know that what was happening was migraines.  I just lived with them.  And through them.  On the one hand I thought everyone had them and on the other I thought that I was the only one and that something was wrong with me and so I never said anything.  It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties and finally had health insurance that I was properly diagnosed and was prescribed medication that helped.

But somewhere along the way things got worse, and pain, in various ways, increased.  And now, at 43, in some way or another, I experience some kind of pain somewhere in my body at every moment of every day.  Right now my hands hurt.  Each joint in each finger aches with each letter I type.  Some days it’s my neck, or my right shoulder, or my left hip, or both of my feet, or my lower abdomen, or my upper back.  You get the idea.  And my migraines continue.

I’ve thought a lot this last week about radically accepting my chronic pain.  And by that I mean accepting that it happens but no longer accepting that it has to happen or that it will continue to get worse.  I simply don’t want to put up with it anymore.

Last week I talked about the areas where I want to find health this year and figuring out ways to alleviate my chronic pain is going to be a huge priority.  Although I’ve never wanted to admit it before, I know intuitively that what I put into my body can’t help but have an impact and so it’s up to me to discover what helps and what hurts.  I haven’t figured out exactly what will entail yet but I am actively researching ways to so.

I accept that I have pain.  I accept that I have been in pain for decades.  But, I also accept that I have the power to help myself and so that’s what I’m going to do.

43 and One Week

The Future of Me

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what I want for my future.  And also about what I need to get to where I want to be.  But, at least, in the short term, what do I want for the year ahead?

I’ve read that there are some people who choose a word as a theme for their year, or a song.  The word that came to mind for me was Healthy.  But, not only just healthy physically but also mentally, financially and socially.  So I decided that I would create a quote that sums up my goals for the coming year.  Here it is:

“I must be the healthiest woman I can be, in order to be the wealthiest woman I want to be and make the greatest impact I can.”

I know that I want to make a difference, whether to people I don’t know who are in need or to animals, mine and others, or even to friends and family.  And I know that I can’t do that unless I have the energy to devote my time to them and to devote to making the money that can also make a difference.  I know that my own financial situation must be healthy in order for me to have something to give.

Here are the areas of health that I want to improve on this year:

1. Physical
2. Mental
3. Business
4. Financial
5. Social

It feels like a lot to take on for just one year but all of those areas are interdependent and I don’t want to concentrate on one to the detriment of the others, and then feel as if I’ve failed or ended the year with one area worse that it was when the year began.  I want to feel as if I have both achieved my goals and have balance.

Birthday No. 43

November 20, 2018.  Today I turned 43.  All things considered, it’s a lot better than 42. Or 33, for that matter.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  My angel, my dog, Lily, is with me.  She has a few health issues but she’s doing really well for a boxer her age.  I own a growing business and a beautiful home and don’t want for much of anything.

And, yet.

I feel totally unfocused.  I experience chronic digestive issues and migraines, sometimes joint pain and trouble sleeping.  I don’t feel that I have enough balance and I want to.  I need to.  The honest truth to myself is that I can’t keep going as I have.

So what to do?

This blog is a pledge to myself.  A pledge to figure out specific goals, to work on a plan to achieve those specific goals and to share with you, my readers, my progress and the setbacks.

So, here goes.

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